OMG I actually crocheted something

I’ve always been a knitter and I never liked the look of crocheted items. It makes me think of grandmas, macrame and avocado-colored appliances. I feel like a person either learns to knit or crochet and rarely does she cross the line to the other side. I consider crochet the dark side. It’s like skiing and snowboarding. I grew up skiing and I never could get used to my legs being attached to one giant ski.
But I decided I should learn how to crochet in case I ever find myself stranded in some nursing home with a hank of Red Heart craft yarn and only one hook.
Also, if ever I should create a blanket from yarn, it would have to be crocheted. The idea of knitting a blanket — row after repetitive row — makes me gag a little. At least with crocheting you can make dozens of individual squares in a matter of minutes and then stitch them together like a quilt and voila — a blanket for cold people to enjoy on the couch.
What a stupid, stupid idea. After selecting a somewhat complicated granny square pattern (I believe it’s called the vampire fang square) I set off creating my ideal blanket. After about 35 squares I realized that not only to I have to weave in the 10 loose yarn ends of every square, I’d also have to block each square and then stitch them all together and then crochet a border around the whole thing. GOD, what a nightmare.
So I shelved the idea. Six months later I came across a huge crochet hook in my stash of yarn. Huge hook calls for huge yarn. Huge yarn makes bigger squares. I tossed the whole vampire square project and started on a simple granny square blanket, but this time with HUGE yarn. I ended up with giant squares. Eureka! All I have to do is make 9-12 squares now and it will be the size of the blanket I originally wanted to make.
I’ve made 6.5. I can’t get myself to make any more.
So on to today’s project — a granny stitch hat.
It took three tries, but I used some scrap yarn and came up with this:

I honestly couldn’t imagine how the series of stitches I was creating would turn into a hat. It was like magic. Reading crochet patterns totally sucks. It’s like reading bass clef. I know what the terms mean if I really think hard about it.

Granny Beanie
Worsted weight yarn (1/2 a skein?)
Size J crochet hook
darning needle

Stitches Used: Double Crochet (dc), Single Crochet (sc), Chain (ch), Slip St (sl st)
Ch 4, join with sl st to form ring.
Rnd 1: Ch 3 (counts as first dc now and throughout), 2 dc inside ring, ch 1, (3 dc in ring, ch 1) 3 times, join to third ch of beg ch 3. (12 dc, 4 ch 1 spaces)
Rnd 2: Sl st in next dc, Ch 3, 2 dc in same stitch, ch 1, (3 dc in next ch 1 sp, ch 1, skip next dc, 3 dc in next dc, ch 1) around, 3 dc in last ch 1 sp, ch 1, join to third ch of beg ch 3. (24 dc, 8 ch 1 spaces)
Rnd 3: Repeat rnd 2. (48 dc, 16 ch 1 spaces)
Rnd 4: Sl st in each of the next 2 dc and in next ch sp, ch 3, 2 dc in same sp, ch 1, (3 dc in next ch sp, ch 1) around, join to third ch of beg ch 3.
Rnd 5 onward: Repeat rnd 4 over and over until it’s the right depth for you
Final Row: Ch1, SC into every stitch. Sl st into first ch of row and weave in all ends with a darning needle.
Now all I need is to learn to crochet a flower. Oh yeah! That’s the real reason I taught myself to crochet. I wanted a flower on a knitted hat. I still haven’t learned to do it, but maybe now that I’m more familiar with crocheting I can figure it out.

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